You Can't Replace Love
by ClosetOtaku15
Summary: ONE-SHOT Dean confesses to a sleeping Sam. This is my first Dean/Sam fic so please be kind! :3


**Can't Replace Love**

**_3:30am_ '**Another restless night.' Dean thoght as he stared up at himself reflected in the mirrored ceiling of the stupid honeymoon suite in the motel they were currently in. The motel was full up and only had one room that was available. It was the only motel in town and they were both too exhausted to argue so they just settled for it, not wanting to drive to the next town. In the red silk covered king sized bed, Sam lay fast asleep next to him in nothing but his boxers and a black shirt. Dean's pounding heart and perverse thoughts were keeping him awake. Sam stirred. "Dean..." He moved closer to Dean, causing his heart to jolt uncomfortably in his chest.

Dean Winchester was in love with his little brother Sam Winchester, he knew for while now. But in a way he's always known. Over the years Dean started noticing the little things; how warm Sam was, the butterflies, how touched he would get when Sam remembered something little like the way Dean took his coffee or what he would always order in a diner, the way he would feel whenever Sam smiled at him, the way his heart would feel weird whenever they made contact, the way Sam's eyes shone whenever he got happy, how soft his lips looked, the way he melts at the sound of his voice, and how he would get upset whenever Sam was around women.

Since they were kids it's always been the two of them against the world. Whenever Dean felt sad and alone Sam would always be the one to put a smile on his face. They protected each other. Even as Dean protected Sam from every threat that was out there, Sam protected Dean from all his personal demons, when all Dean wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die Sam was there to help him. They both understand each other better than anyone ever could. Dean fully realized his feelings when he was 22 and 18 year old Sam was leaving for Stanford. Dean felt so lost and alone he didn't know what to do.

He slept around, drank and hunted, trying desperately to fill the hole in his heart that his brother had left but it was no use, the hole was too big to be filled with hunting down evil, alcohol or sex with random girls. After four agonizing years apart, Dean began to understand how he really felt towards his brother. Sam was home for Dean, without him he was just..empty. Sam brought out feelings in Dean that no one has ever made him feel before. It freaked him out a lot at first but, after months and months of stubbornness and denial, he slowly began to accept it. Dean knew that he would never love anyone the way he loved Sam. Along with his newfound knowledge of his love he felt very disgusting, shameful and guilty for thinking about his little brother that way. He had to bury those feelings deep down inside because knew he could never, ever be with Sam.

"Mom…" Sam whimpered quietly, snapping Dean back from his thoughts. Dean turns to look at Sam, whose face distorts into pain. Dean reaches out and begins to gently stroke his back. He calms him from his nightmare after awhile. Dean smiles and stares longingly at his brothers sleeping face; admiring the length of his eyelashes, his perfect nose, his lips and every other detail like it might be his last time seeing him. 'Beautiful.' He thought as he tenderly places a kiss on his forehead, the way he use to. Before he can stop himself, Dean whispers, "Sam…I love you." His heart thuds against his rib cage. "So...so much. " He looks at Sam, his eyes shining with a mixture of love and pain.

"I know how wrong it is, how fucked up it is. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I just can't seem to make it go away. No matter how much I sleep around...they're... not you." He is filled with emotion and can't stop the words from pouring out after repressing them for so long. " I always end up thinking about you. I try to find someone to take your place but I just-I can't. I can't replace you Sammy. I can't stop feeling this way about you. No one knows me like you do. No one can capture my full attention the way you do. No one can make me laugh and smile the way only you can. You are always the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of before I sleep." His tears overflow and run down his face.

"God, how could I have ever thought I could replace you? It's always gunna be you Sammy. I'm so sorry i feel this way. I wish i didn't. This love is wrong. I know that. Jesus! Why do i have to love you Sam? My own brother?! I'm disgusting." He sniffs and wipes his nose. "I'm sorry. Don't worry, i don't expect you to love me back...i just needed to say it, even if you can't hear me. I'm so messed up. I won't be selfish and drag you into this mess. I won't. I'll keep it hidden forever...just not right now." He puts his hand on Sam's cheek. "No one on this earth is ever going to love you as much as I love you. And no one but me is ever going to hear these words again. I'm going to protect you from this Sammy." Dean takes a deep shaky breath, preparing to bury the feelings that have resurfaced. "Damn it. You can't replace love no matter how much you want to." Dean smiles a sad smile down at his little brother before giving him a light 'farewell' kiss on the cheek.

The End


End file.
